Entry 17: Thank You For Smoking

I have no particular inspiration right now, probably will revisit this entry just to find a suitable title, but not on the eve of an exam anyway.

Thanksgiving is round the corner, will be heading to my roommate Tommy's house to celebrate. After all, it is one of the most important holidays they have in America, and who else to learn this tradition from other than the Asians. Just kidding.

A few simple questions for the people whose brains have degenerated:

1) Assume you have a class at 0730 every morning. Because you have a bicycle, you can leave your room at about 0715, which means about 15 minutes more of procrastination and lazing around and pretending to be stretching in your own bed. You force yourself downstairs, unlock your bike lock, and realise it's really fucking cold. Ride too fast, and you have severe fucking wind chills. Ride too slow, and you spend too much time in the cold. What is the optimum speed at which you should ride your bike in order to not feel so fucked up and yet arrive at your destination fast?

2) Assume that you live in a male dorm. It's a Friday night, at about 0130 in the morning, and you feel really tired. The whole hall has been quiet for the past two hours, a relatively peaceful night. Should you i) go to sleep, ii) get started on your essay or iii) watch TV?

3) Assume you are taking a dump, and there's another person in the cubicle next to you. Guys never like meeting each other when they go take a shit, and I doubt girls too either. But anyway, should you take a dump quickly and scram so you don't meet him, or should you take it nice and slow so that he will go off first?

A minute to think things through. Don't cheat or you'll never find out who has a crush on you! Answers are found below.




1) Take the bus.

2) Start on your essay, because it's quiet and peaceful, meaning most of the trashy white guys are out drinking pussy beer, and probably some motherfucker will come back to pull the fire alarm. So go ahead, write your essay and not wake up shocked and pissed.

3) Ali has 35 red marbles.

Now spread this entry to 10 other people on your list and your crush will call you in 5 minutes. OR some little girl will appear at your window. IT REALLY WORKS!